I like glitter and sparkly dresses,

But I'm not gonna talk about that

In my monologue

I like baking and things that smell like winter,

But I'm not gonna talk about that

In my monologue

La la la, la la la

I like writing songs about douche bags who cheat on me,

But I'm not gonna say that

In my monologue

I like writing their names into songs so they're ashamed to go in public,

But I'm not gonna say that

In my monologue

La la, la la la la la

This is my musical monologue

You might think I'd bring up Joe,

The guy who broke up with me on the phone,

But I'm not gonna mention him

In my monologue

Hey Joe! I'm doing real well,

Tonight I'm hosting SNL

But I'm not gonna brag about that

In my monologue

La la la, ha ha ha

Ha ha ha, ha ha ha

La la la

And if you're wondering if I might,

Be dating the werewolf from Twilight,

(Hi Taylor!)

I'm not gonna comment on that

In my monologue

La la, la la la la la

This is my musical monologue

You might be expecting me to say

Something bad about Kanye

And how he ran up on the stage

And ruined my VMA monologue.....

But there's nothing more to say

Cause everything's okay

I've got security lining this stage

This is my SNL monologue

La la, la la la la la

This is my SNL monologue

La la, la la la la la

That was my SNL monologue